GAZETTE Tampa Bay Gay and Lesbian News

By Kim Ann Callan
No doubt, many of you will find it hard to believe, but I was a Marine Corps wife. From the mid 1980s to the early 1990s my then partner, (now retired) Gunnery Sergeant Anna M. Koetter was a career USMC Administrative Chief. It became quite the joke that I had, in fact, attended more annual Marine Corps Birthday Balls (formal dinner-dances) than many Marine Corps life-ers. Each year Anna and I were accompanied by our handsome, gay, tuxedo-clad "boyfriends." She, in USMC dress blues, and I, in a sequined gown, would dance the night away with our "dates" to the sounds of the big band before silently slipping away to our rooms as the drunken lot sang their umpteenth rendition of the Marine's Hymn-You know: "From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli…" No one would know that, as we retired, the boys shared one bed and the girls the other! After all, I was affectionately known to the entire command as "Cousin Kim" and my attendance at such events was expected.

The Marine Corps is a family, and I infiltrated that family on every level. They "knew." It was the standard "don't ask, don't tell," (DADT) before the Clinton Administration aptly claimed the phrase. I dare say this was the military way historically. Perhaps mine is a somewhat different tale because it was a small command: USMC Recruit Station, Charleston, covering West Virginia, Kentucky and Ohio. Talk about the land of the homophobes! And I was deeply entrenched in military subterfuge to boot! The Commanding Officer contracted me as the official command photographer and I routinely wrote stories for Marines, the Official Marine Corps Magazine. The Sergeant Major called on me to be the head chef at Poolee Meets, an Olympics-like competition for new recruits in the Delayed Entry Program for high school students. This was a small taste of boot camp living and a way to get the "jarheads" in ship shape. The wives, along with "Cousin Kim" commanded the kitchen while the troops played war games in the woods.

Additionally, under the veil of secrecy, Gunnery Sgt. Koetter and I were interviewed for a chapter in the book: Lesbians in the Military Speak Out. Of course pseudonyms had to be used. There was always an adventure around every corner. Gunnery Sgt. Koetter also consulted with well known lesbian author Katherine V. Forrest on her book Liberty Square. The acknowledgment read: "To 'Louise' of the United States Marine Corps, for technical detail surrounding Kate Delafield's time in the Corps in Vietnam. It is this nation's shame that I cannot reveal the true identity of an American citizen who has dedicated twenty years of her life in service to her country." Sadly, that speaks volumes.

In the late 80s and early 90s USMC Training Station Parris Island, SC (boot camp), was under siege once again-by enemies from within. A "witch-hunt" was underway to name lesbians within the ranks. Blackmailed by government officials, military members gave Naval Investigative Services (akin to the in-house CIA or FBI) names, addresses and phone numbers of "suspected or known homosexuals" (Oh My!) in order to save their own hides in hopes of a "Less than Honorable" verses "Dishonorable" discharge. This was not the first Parris Island witch-hunt. Randy Shilts, in his book Conduct Unbecoming: Gays & Lesbians in the U.S. Military, details the deep history of this mode of intimidation and persecution of brave Americans who stepped up proudly and voluntarily to serve their country. Their sin was not divulging military secrets, desertion or insubordination, but merely with whom they shared their time and their bed. One might think that what one does on one's personal time is not business of the military, but, as I was so frequently reminded by my beloved, in the military there is no personal time. Members of the US Armed Forces are "owned" by Uncle Sam 24/7 for the duration of their enlistment. Government indentured servitude, as it were!

In 1991, I was approached by Meridith Baxter, (then Baxter-Birney-"Elise Keaton" on TV's Family Ties) and film-maker/producer Brenda Feigen (Navy Seals) to gather a group of discharged lesbians who had been named on the famed Parris Island "list," to talk about a Hollywood movie they were collaborating on concerning gays in the military. Six service members and I met with Baxter and Feigen in my living room to spill the beans on the current witch-hunt and give detailed accounts of lesbian life in the ranks of the "Few and the Proud." Those women were in good company. General Gail Reals, then the highest-ranking female Marine was on that very list. She however, was not present with us for cocktails on that winter afternoon! Stories were well documented. There was laughing and there was crying. Yet still there was an air of undying loyalty to the "Eagle, Globe and Anchor" which exuded from the hearts of those seated in my house that day-pride and loyalty, despite the fact that their government, their military, had turned it's back on them and disgraced that loyalty with dishonorable discharges. Semper Fidelis, (always faithful) the USMC motto was drilled into them and deeply ingrained, despite the insult. "Once a Marine always a Marine" echoed in my thoughts. In mid-production, I received word from Baxter that, in light of the Clinton Administration's new "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, the project was no longer timely or relevant. In hindsight, I wonder if Baxter and Feigen regret the cancellation of an expose' of this magnitude and importance, especially with the complete failure of DADT to protect GLBT soldiers on any level?

I came away from my years as a Marine Corps wife able to speak fluently in acronyms, with stories both good and bad, and a heavy heart and a disdain for my government. I am saddened still, because we are not the few and the proud, we are the many whose ranks untold numbers of our community, who constitute a significant presence in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard and National Guard-soldiers who always have and always will exist in the U.S. military, despite our country's disgraceful treatment of these loyal patriots.

I feel for the families, but especially for the GLBT families of the soldiers now stationed in Iraq, Afghanistan and duty stations around the globe, serving our country honorably in the name of freedom-a freedom which their spouses do not enjoy at home. Adding further insult to injury is the fact that our President, our government and our politicians are currently rallying to create a constitutional amendment to prevent us from ever receiving equal recognition of our relationships and equal rights for our families. So, this July 4th as we celebrate our country's 228th birthday, let us give special thanks to the unknown soldiers in OUR family, forced to hide as they risk their lives in service to our country!

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