GAZETTE Tampa Bay Gay and Lesbian News

Voters in the November 2, 2004 election dealt a devastating blow to GLBT Americans. In this Gazette Special Feature, local and national leaders of the GLBT community share their thoughts on what we need to do now.

Come Out! Make Yourself Known
By Brian Feist
ST. PETERSBURG-Last month one of my best friends died of complications of AIDS. As tragic as his premature death, at age 46, was, the greater tragedy was in how he felt he had to live his life. His was the most complicated life of anyone I have known - a life of carefully constructed compartments, each inhabited by people who were only permitted to see a particular fragment. Telling lies was a way of life for him. Not malicious lies, to be sure - but lies, nonetheless.

Even with his closest friends, with whom he could be the most open and honest, he felt the need to keep secrets. His family, ultra-conservative fundamentalist Christians, knew nothing of his friends, certainly nothing of his relationships. His friends knew little about his family, other than that his father, a minister, had left the Methodist Church because it was too liberal.

Only one person was permitted to maneuver through more than one or two of the compartments of his life - his best friend for many years, though much of his life was a mystery, even to her.

We, who were his friends, encouraged him to come out to his family, to tell them he was gay, and to let them know of his illness. But he adamantly refused. They were virulently anti-gay and would disown him, he said. We voiced our concerns that, should his health deteriorate, his family would be charged with making decisions about his care, and they needed to know what was going on. Still he refused.

Ultimately his worst fears - and ours - were realized. In the last weeks of his life, when his family learned the truth, they took him to their home, completely cutting him off from the friends who loved him unconditionally. They withheld his pain medication and forced him to confess his sins and denounce and repent his "evil lifestyle" and "poor choices."

"You can't sin and get away with it," his mother said.

They began selling off his personal belongings even before he died, and within a week had held a garage sale to get rid of rest of his things. They even sold his socks for 10¢ a pair.

My friend died covered with a blanket of shame. His friends were forbidden to attend his funeral.

I asked his best friend for his parents' address. I wanted to send them a note of condolences and let them know how much their son was loved and respected by his friends. I wanted to let them know that there was no shame, that in their son, they had much to be proud of; that he would be greatly missed.

But his friend said, "I don't think you should do that. They are very angry with the gay community now...they don't want to know you." That's the thing about bigots and hate-mongers. They don't want to know their victims. As long as they don't know us, they can hate us without feeling remorse or guilt. As long as they don't know us, their bigotry and narrowmindedness will not cause them any discomfort.

Well, I refuse to be a silent partner to hatred and homophobia. I refuse to lend comfort to a bigot by not speaking. As Elie Wiesel said in his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, "Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

It is time for us to stand up and make the oppressors uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable because we exist, but uncomfortable because of their own hypocrisy.

The first step is the boldest step of all. Come out. Make yourself known. Come out to your family. Come out to your friends. When someone makes an anti-gay reference or slur, let them know that it is you they are talking about, not some nameless, faceless somebody else. Let them know that it is not okay to treat you that way.
Brian Feist is the owner and publisher of the Gazette

Stand Up to Our Government
Reverend Troy D. Perry
For 2005, I'm resolved to carry on the work for social justice and legal equality for my LGBT brothers and sisters - and resolved not to be discouraged by the temporary setbacks we experienced in 2004. The journey toward LGBT equality has always been one of many steps forward - and occasional steps backward. But the journey continues to move forward! For example, I am once again calling on LGBT people to go to courthouses and marriage bureaus on Valentines Day, February 14, to apply for marriage licenses. There is something empowering about standing up to our government and publicly asking for equality - and it's also a powerful opportunity to carry our message to the larger society through the press and media. I'll be at my local courthouse on February 14 - and I'm encouraging LGBT people in cities and towns all across the US to join me in these important public actions.
The Reverend Troy D. Perry is the Founder and Moderator of the Predominantly LGBT Metropolitan Community Churches

It's Time to Take to the Streets
By Chuck Wilhelm
I resolve ... "to spill into the streets, to cry into the night, to burn bright with all of the love and joy and pain and anger in my heart."

On the night of November 2, 2004 I began wringing my hands and worrying what to do. I was frustrated, angry, numb, and scared to death. I asked, "How could anyone paying any attention at all have voted for George Bush," let alone a majority of my fellow Americans? I was convinced it was going to be a very long four years until we had the chance to elect someone who wasn't morally bankrupt. I figured I would hide in my upstairs and wait. There was no way out. I had written all the letters and made all the phone calls that HRC and Equality Florida has asked of me. I used bumper stickers and lawn signs and voted early. Nothing worked.

In the ensuing weeks those feelings got no better. I heard reports of a pharmacist who refused to fill a prescription for birth control pills because he thought it a form of abortion and "his" government would now support his decision. I heard of the newly elected senator from Oklahoma who said "lesbianism was so rampant in the high schools that girls should not be allowed to go to the bathroom together." I gagged as Bob Jones charged Congress that they "have the opportunity to exercise forceful leadership that is defined by biblical norm." Then, as NBC and CBS banned ads for the United Church of Christ showing gay couples and minorities being accepted fully in their congregations I called the man I was dating, a citizen of the Netherlands, and ask him to take me home to his country, marry me, and get me the hell out of America, because it could not longer be my home.

This country, founded on the principles of freedom from religious tyranny-NOT conservative Christian policies, founded on the right for all people to be free-NOT just those who agree with the leadership, founded by people who had had enough of these practices in their home countries, had begun the decent into hell.

My boyfriend's response to my request to become Dutch was like a slap in the face. He asked if I "was really willing to give up all I had fought for because of a few misdirected bigots who were only temporary?" Hmmmm. Does this man, who has come here from one of the most open societies in the world love and understand this country better than I?

I felt like a victim. That very day I received via email an article by Mel Gilles entitled: The Politics of Victimization. I was stunned. Mr. Gilles hit my feelings right on the head. He said:

"Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over thirty years. Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the Bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, 'Why did they beat me?'"

"And then ask anyone who has ever worked in a domestic violence shelter if they have heard this before.

They will tell you yes-every single day."

"The answer is quite simple. They beat us because they can - they are abusers. We can call it hate. We can call it fear. We can say it is unfair. But we are looped into the cycle of violence, and we need to start calling the dominating side what they are: abusive."

So there we are. Acting as victims we ask ourselves what we did wrong. We can't seem to grasp that they will keep hitting us and beating us as long as we allow them and we will keep asking ourselves what have WE done to deserve this treatment.

We hear all the time how the cycle of abuse stops.

The first step is to admit you are a victim. Secondly the victim says "This is not okay." Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you who is being victimized. You don't do this by responding to their demands, or becoming like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don't do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, and you certainly don't do it by moving to another country. You walk away. You find the others who are hurting, broken, and lost. You tell them what you've learned, and that you aren't going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and other minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is work. But it's better than the abuse.

We have a mandate to be as radical and liberal and steadfast as we need to be. The progressive beliefs and social justice we stand for, our core, must not be altered. We must be 56 million strong. We must build from the bottom up. We must meet, on the net, in church basements, at work, in small groups, and right now! With all due respect to HRC and Equality Florida, the time to just write to our representatives is over. I have made my last phone call to my senator's office. It is time to go back to the streets. It is time to put away the crying towels and paint our protest signs. We must scream out loud that we will not be treated as second class citizens or worse, as "those people," abused and deserving of the abuse.

Martin Luther King once said that "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter."

As actor Wilson Cruz so perfectly states: "No one ever won their freedom by asking for it. Freedom has always been fought for. We are facing a crisis and now is not the time to surrender. Now is the time to reinforce, rejuvenate our passion. Now is the time to recognize the anger we feel and transform it into the action that is necessary. Now is the time to spill into the streets, to cry into the night, to burn bright with all of the love and joy and pain and anger in our hearts.

So what do I resolve? What do I hope we, as a community resolve? I resolve that in 2005 I will take to the streets with signs and noisemakers and others who believe that it is time to knock on the front door of our government houses and say, "ENOUGH!" I resolve to stop making phone calls and writing letters and instead organize marches and paint protest signs. I resolve to stop waiting and start doing. Will you join me? Will we walk hand in hand singing "We Shall Overcome" and demanding to he heard? My God! I hope so! We have no other choice.
Chuck Wilhelm is a Gazette staff writer and serves on the board of the Tampa Bay Business Guild and the Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. For information about the Film Festival click here.

Be An Agent for Social Change
Dr. Gene Copello and Mary Ann Green
The AIDS Institute
We resolve to be agents for social change - working to ensure the human rights of all persons while advocating for funding to address disease prevention, healthcare and social services, as well as research.

Our dedicated staff, board and volunteers resolve to ensure the voices of the 100,000 Floridians, nearly one million Americans and some 46 million people world-wide living with HIV/AIDS are being heard.

We resolve to work with local, state, federal and international governments and agencies to ensure the healthcare needs of all people are being met and to help shape how governments respond to the AIDS crisis and healthcare issues in general.

We resolve to be a force of action for social change!
The AIDS Institute, a national nonprofit organization that promotes action for social change through public policy research, advocacy and community education. For more information call 813-974-2598, or click here.

Open Their Eyes
Mike Berman
Carol and I have been married and together for 39 years. I know what a difference it makes to have a life partner. GLBT Americans deserve what many Americans take for granted - spousal support, health insurance benefits, equal taxation, and the more than 1,138 rights and protections given to married couples under law. I began working with HRC in 1993 and have served on the board since 1998. As co-chair of the board of directors I look forward to working with everyone at HRC as well as other leaders for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality. It is time to talk to those Americans who are not aware of inequality that GLBT people face every day. Without their support we won't win. As we look at the year ahead, we should take on discrimination wherever we find it. But we should also be sure to open the eyes of our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends and our family so that they see it too.

Never Relent in Our Quest
Hilary Rosen
When you think of GLBT activism, are we thinking of Alabama? I think, most of our thoughts go to Stonewall or the Castro. Rainbow flags and pride parades might come to mind. But I doubt all too often we gloss over the lesbian teen-ager trying to figure out how she's going to stay in high school while struggling with her parents' reaction to her coming out. We need to concentrate on her. As 2005 brings the Human Rights Campaign, an organization of which I'm proud to serve as interim co-director, to its 25th anniversary, it is our goal to ensure that we think of her. All of us. GLBT and straight America. When we all start thinking of her, it'll make discriminating against her all that much more difficult. America supports non-discrimination laws, it's time for America to start feeling guilty we don't have them. America may not be there yet on marriage equality, but they're there on our protections. We deserve them. We should fight for them. And we should never relent in our quest for full equality - including marriage.

Mike Berman and Hilary Rosen are interim co-directors of the Human Rights Campaign. For more infomation click here.

We Are Entering a New Era
By Karen Doering
I am extremely optimistic about our chances for winning equality in a post-11/2 world. Like many in the progressive community, November 3, 2004 was a difficult day for me, to say the least. I was shocked, surprised, angry, frustrated - how could this have happened when we worked so hard and did so many things right? After several days of wallowing in the muck, I realized that an attitude adjustment was in order if I had any hope of continuing this work. As I began to search for the silver lining, I realized that if John Kerry had won, our community would likely have slipped silently back into our cozy, complacent lives.

But now, post-11/2, if we hope to win the right to adopt, marry the person of our choosing, or gain protections against being fired from our jobs or denied housing just because we are LGBT, then we must stay active and engaged! We must realize that the path to LGBT equality leads directly through the Republican party. And regardless of what you think about George W. Bush, there are important lessons we can learn from him. Like him or hate him, he is a person who stands up for what he believes - even when most of the "pundits" say it is political suicide.

After 11/2, I began talking to as many people who voted for George Bush as I could (both gay and non-gay) and began thinking about what people really meant when said they chose their candidates based on "morality." I quickly discovered that many who voted for W did so despite disagreeing with many of his core beliefs. What they respected in W was his willingness to take a stand - even when it is controversial - and stick with it.

In thinking about the liberal and progressive candidates running for office, the almost universal trait they shared was a "duck and cover" philosophy; focusing on "electability" and hiding from any "controversial" issues, with a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge, I'm really with you but I just can't say so publicly". I think it is pretty clear how effective that strategy was!

We are now entering a new era, one in which we have the opportunity to learn from what worked in the past and what did not.

So I resolve to learn from the past, to build bridges rather than walls (I will reach out to moderate Republicans, truly listen to their concerns, and look for what we have in common rather than focussing on our difference); I resolve to respect those who disagree with me in the same way I wish them to respect us (it is time to stop doing the 'Superior Dance' and thumbing my nose at those who think or believe differently than me); I resolve to build coalitions with a vast array of groups - coalitions in which we do as much for others as we ask them to do for us; I resolve to reach out to my non-gay family, neighbors and friends and invite them to participate in our quest for equality; and I resolve to reclaim the term "morality" and define it according to my values and the shared values of our community (i.e., we have a moral obligation to protect all families, not just those that fit the stereotypical mold; we have a moral obligation to protect and preserve the environment for future generations; it is immoral to discriminate, to lie, to cheat , and to steal.

Yep, it is a new era and I am excited, re-energized, and looking forward to a powerful new year!
Karen Doering is an attorney with the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Consultant to Equality Florida, and Adjunct Professor at Stetson University College of Law. For more information click here.

We Must Become the Change we Seek to See
By Bill Carpenter
Like many progressive U.S. citizens, I was disgusted with the results of our recent presidential election and shift of Congress a few more degrees toward the Christian "right." And, it was hard for me to find the motivation to carry on. The ultra-conservative religious takeover was beginning to look complete and I just didn't see much hope for justice for my LGBT brothers and sisters!

And then I remembered Gandhi's injunction that "we must become the change that we seek to see." So, as I considered just what is the change that I'm looking for; I began to envision a world in which every life is honored as worthy, valuable and important. That every life is deserving of the basic necessities of not only shelter and food, but also of love and respect...the proverbial "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." I visualized a world community, not where everyone agreed on every subject, but rather one where everyone's viewpoint was welcomed without anyone being required to subscribe. That the primary code for civilization was fairness and respect and integrity.

And then I have set about to become the change I seek to see - much easier said and written about than done! I've come to believe that if each one of us took on this strategy the world would change instantaneously. If everyone reading this article began to become the kind of person that we wish the world to become, it will happen. Implied in this strategy is a recognition that it's not up to "them," but rather, it's up to me. It's up to me to live my life in such a way that others will see the inherent value and worth and truth of our lives.

Moshe Dayan, the Israeli military leader and politician once said, "If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies." I find much wisdom in this idea. When I combine it with the Gandhian philosophy of becoming what I seek, it becomes clear that I must show myself truthfully and peacefully throughout my life. And just as a stone pitched into a pond at midnight creates unseeable ripples, our living lives of integrity and justice and respecting and valuing others will create that world.

So we must courageously take our vision and our truth out into the world. We must never participate in oppression - ours or anyone else's. We must work to end racism, sexism, anti-Semitism and all the rest. If that's the world we want, then we have to create it in our own lives.
Bill Carpenter is a member of Soulforce, a national interfaith movement committed to ending spiritual violence perpetuated by religious policies and teachings against GLBT people. For more information click here.

We Must Strengthen Our Resolve
Christine "Chris" Lovett
The recent Presidential election results causes me deep concerns. I worry about our leader's conservative beliefs blocking funding for HIV/AIDS and stem-cell research. I am troubled by the prospect of the appointment of ultraconservatice Supreme Court Justices, who may help overturn Roe vs. Wade, denying women the right to choose what they do with their own bodies.

Another concern is the President's goal for faith-based groups to teach abstinence in lieu of providing information and contraceptive devices for birth control. We watch as the thin line separating church and state erodes.

We must strengthen our resolve. We must continue the quest for our equal rights. We must commit to social justice, especially for the right to legally marry the person we love.
Chris Lovett is one of the Co-Chairs for St. Pete Pride 2005 For more information click here.

Surrender? Never!
Matt Foreman
Our movement needs to be able to say that marriage equality is a goal, but not the only goal of our community or our movement for liberation. We believe in and will fight for racial and economic justice. We believe in and will fight for a woman's right to choose and an end to a society that demands gender conformity. We believe in and will fight for new ways for people - gay and straight - to gain legal recognition and protections for their families.

And as we fight on, the first, overriding and most important goal of everything we do must be building our grassroots infrastructure over the long term. Focusing on one election or one campaign after the next is short sighted, and has never been the way rights have been won. The anti-marriage state amendment campaigns waged in many states over the last few months showed us the way to win long term gains even if we lose at the ballot box. So let me say it again, no campaign can be initiated or pursued unless it is specifically designed so that on other end, our community institutions will be stronger, not weaker and our statewide organizations energized, not demoralized.

And finally, our opponents, some allies, and even some in our own community are saying we need to keep quiet, get in line, and straighten up or it will be even worse. I say the opposite - if you have been loud in the past, go home and scream louder now. If people think you've been pushy about equal rights in the past, let them know they ain't seen anything yet. If you've been having great sex - have more of it - that really drives our opponents crazy. And above all, stay out. Stay in the fight. Surrender? Never!
Matt Foreman is the Executive Director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. For more information click here.

Educate Others Whenever You Can
By Tanya Baker
I thought I would be relived when the election was over, but now I am just worried what will happen with this country being run by the religious right. I find it disturbing that half of America is more concerned over gay marriage than with ending the war and providing health care and education to its citizens.

And even more disappointing is that after listening to all of that political mud slinging, we are still stuck with a president who acts as if he has the God-given right to discriminate against anything or anyone that does not fit his moral agenda. The Bush Administration frightens me but I will not cower in the corner for the next four years. There is too much at stake for that. During Bush's second term, seats on the Supreme Court will be vacated by retiring Justices and the new appointees will shape the policy in this country for years after Bush leaves office.

Michelle Cottle, in an essay in Time magazine, points out that while the Bush White House may be on the side of social conservatives, time is not. She says with all the advances in civil and women's rights the genie cannot be stuffed back into the bottle.

While this thought is comforting, do not think this allows us to sit back and think that things will improve as time passes. In order to gain new rights for our community and protect those we have, we must educate ourselves and always be aware. Ask questions and make people accountable for the things they say and do. A good example of this would be to call 93.3 FM the next time its no-talent, obnoxious disc jockey M.J. decides to poke fun at gay people on his morning show. Get the word out that it is no longer okay to make fun of gays. When you hear people use the word "gay" in a negative way, correct them. Making fun of gays is so ingrained in our society that people do not even realize what they are doing when they say something offensive. Correct and educate others whenever you can.

We must continue our battle for equal rights and protections. The more the conservatives try to silence us, the louder we must become.
Tanya Baker is a student and staff writer at the Gazette

Challenge Anti-Gay Assumptions
By Michael Brill
I have been thinking hard on "What do we do now?" I think it is appropriate that we grieve for a little bit over the angry and anti-gay attitudes that prevailed with the November election.

But, now that we have had that time, I think we must do several things:

1. We need to stand up. It is the time for our community to be taken seriously. That means that in addition to the many different groups that have made a stand, it is time, especially time for the Business part of our community to STAND UP and be counted.

2. We need to have COURAGE to challenge anti-gay assumptions and activities. It is easy to say "things ever change," but things do change when people do not allow false assumptions to go unchallenged.

3. Have Integrity. This is the most important of all. When I came to Raymond James, there were some people who questioned my ability to be a Financial Advisor. It is generally not considered a "gay occupation". So the challenge before me was to prove that I could be a successful advisor and also one with high ethical standards. This I have accomplished, and will continue to do my best to accomplish. WE all have to be our BEST selves and refute by our living what others generally assume about us, without being untrue to who we are.
Michael Brill is a financial advisor for Raymond James and is president of the Tampa Bay Business Guild For more information click here.

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